KOOL-AID: yes somebody died. but they weren’t murdered

For obvious reasons, did not get a lot of sleep last night. Stayed awake, wondering if they’d come for me in the middle of the night. Imagination went wild thinking of all the ways Landlord could have murdered someone. Wondered who it was. Wondered if was girl he has photo of in his bedroom. (But … Continue reading KOOL-AID: yes somebody died. but they weren’t murdered

KOOL-AID: it’s okay. am not dead

It was what I guess you would call “an episode.” Have read the two posts I made that day and can see may have been obvious to you folks reading this. The dribble! It got a lot worse. Has been a long while since have been like this. Church will say is because they were … Continue reading KOOL-AID: it’s okay. am not dead

KOOL-AID: apparently am odd

Went to house and said to Landlord that was not going to fuck him and he said to me that was acting weird and we had a huge argument about it. Treated me like was mental patient. Kept saying name is quiet, soothing tone. Was fucking ridiculous. I mean, who the fuck does he think … Continue reading KOOL-AID: apparently am odd

KOOL-AID: the dream

So I had this dream last night which was fucking weird. Basically, was wearing the white ethereal gown which is ridiculous because would never wear white and was walking in this slow elegant manner at twilight right into the stream like Virginia Woolf and I laid down and let myself be drowned. Landlord was watching … Continue reading KOOL-AID: the dream

KOOL-AID: trip to the village

Hit the Kool-Aid menu for previous posts Cannot believe I ran out of cigarettes. Well. Can. Because I did. Had that panic I remember getting when me and him ran out of drugs. The absolute horrifying panic of being sober. No, no, no, no. Did not want to feel normal again. Did not want all … Continue reading KOOL-AID: trip to the village

KOOLAID: silver lining

Hit the Kool-Aid menu for previous posts I’m still here. Some of you were kind enough to message me. Yes, yes, am still alive. Just haven’t really feel like writing. No other feeling someone has been in the cottage, but then, I wonder if have been looking too hard. Last Thursday, when I cam home, … Continue reading KOOLAID: silver lining

KOOL-AID: somebody’s been sleeping in my bed

Well, not really. Certainly hope not. But, yeah, someone’s been in my house. Came home and just had that feeling. Everything looked the same. Nothing out of place. But you know, something was off.Was it on a smell? Am not sure. Because then was trying to think what cottage was supposed to smell like. It … Continue reading KOOL-AID: somebody’s been sleeping in my bed

KOOL-AID: and so i speak

Now I understand the fear of that poor nurse trying to wake me when I had concussion as a kid. I failed last night. Fell asleep in the armchair next to Landlord’s bed. Woke to the sound of my alarm. Suspected it had been going for a while. Looked over to Landlord — had kept … Continue reading KOOL-AID: and so i speak

KOOL-AID: the fall

Normal Tuesday. Arrival of cleaners in their shiny white van. Me, online reading retched, retched stories of former church and wishing I could turn back time to not attend that party where we met that abominable human being who got us both into this mess. Yes. Both. Even though I have seen the light, I … Continue reading KOOL-AID: the fall

KOOL-AID: how do you like your eggs?

Turns out I like mine with a side of fuckery. Yes, yes. You’re probably all thinking is a bit sluttish of me. But has been a long time since have done fuckery of any sort. Admittedly, has been a long time since have wanted to. Depression and imprisonment tends to take urges away from you. … Continue reading KOOL-AID: how do you like your eggs?