the trials of my syngonium

I didn’t know a syngonium was a syngonium. They were just these odd mottled plants my mum had. She’d cut them at the stalks and put them in a vase, and there they’d live forever more. So when I looked for greenery to compliment my new home, I took cuttings from my mothers plant and … Continue reading the trials of my syngonium

KOOL-AID: i saw him on the tv

Where do I start with this? And where do I start without giving self away? I don’t know. I just don’t know. It was such an innocuous morning. The fire was going. The kitchen warm. Landlord and I were sitting together. He with his breakfast, me with my coffee. The TV, as per normal, was … Continue reading KOOL-AID: i saw him on the tv

KOOL-AID: christmas is all around

It’s been a very Christmassy twenty-four hours, really. Started with yesterday afternoon. Went for a walk just as was getting dark. Had planned it that way as fancied a walk through the village and don’t like doing that in daylight. The curtain twitching can be rather annoying. Feel like an alien at times. Honestly. Just … Continue reading KOOL-AID: christmas is all around

KOOL-AID: mania yes, happiness, no

When I was diagnosed as bi-polar, it was a bit of a shock. Firstly, I didn’t understand what it was. ‘Manic depressive,’ it was explained to me. Which makes you wonder why they insist on calling it bi-polar when everyone needs the explanation of ‘manic depressive’ to understand it. I’ll tell you why. Because people … Continue reading KOOL-AID: mania yes, happiness, no

KOOL-AID: a cult’s guide to cleaning

  Didn’t even think about it. Windows were dirty. Normally would not care about this. Am not saying am a dirty person. No. I do like things clean. Is easy in the gatehouse. Not much stuff. Floors are wooden so a sweep and going-over with a damp cloth is enough. Have not normally been concerned … Continue reading KOOL-AID: a cult’s guide to cleaning

KOOL-AID: pathetic state of affairs

‘How was your weekend?’ Is it possible to ask that question in sarcastic tones? Because I think Landlord did. Was almost snarky. Cripes, after all this time referring to him as Landlord, do not want to have to change it to Snarky. He was at the kitchen table when I came in. I have a … Continue reading KOOL-AID: pathetic state of affairs

KOOL-AID: yes somebody died. but they weren’t murdered

For obvious reasons, did not get a lot of sleep last night. Stayed awake, wondering if they’d come for me in the middle of the night. Imagination went wild thinking of all the ways Landlord could have murdered someone. Wondered who it was. Wondered if was girl he has photo of in his bedroom. (But … Continue reading KOOL-AID: yes somebody died. but they weren’t murdered

KOOL-AID: taking a stroll

Things are companionable between Landlord and I. And quiet. Like a magnet, am drawn to the house every day, sitting down to lunch in silence, returning home, and then back to the main house for dinner. Am enjoying cooking. Is the freedom of it, I think. But also, feel as though am doing a proper … Continue reading KOOL-AID: taking a stroll

KOOL-AID: it’s okay. am not dead

It was what I guess you would call “an episode.” Have read the two posts I made that day and can see may have been obvious to you folks reading this. The dribble! It got a lot worse. Has been a long while since have been like this. Church will say is because they were … Continue reading KOOL-AID: it’s okay. am not dead

KOOL-AID: apparently am odd

Went to house and said to Landlord that was not going to fuck him and he said to me that was acting weird and we had a huge argument about it. Treated me like was mental patient. Kept saying name is quiet, soothing tone. Was fucking ridiculous. I mean, who the fuck does he think … Continue reading KOOL-AID: apparently am odd