KOOL-AID: a purpose

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I haven’t mentioned what happened the night after the cramp. Quite a bit has gone on since then.

I went back and slept on the couch and slept through my alarm the next morning because it didn’t matter anymore. The gig was up. I’d been found out.

I stayed in the house the next morning and helped Landlord down the stairs because I knew he’d be stiff from the cramp. It’s a bitch, as I’ve mentioned. But have also been doing my research. An extra bitch for those with Parkinson’s.

Landlord told me that if I was going to sleep at his house, I might as well sleep in the spare room. Which is nice because now I don’t feel so dirty about it. I didn’t enjoy sneaking into Landlord’s house just to get a night’s sleep. Having said that, though, I’ve been in my own bed these last two nights. Another night at Policeman’s, and then back at home for what I felt was a ‘fuck you’ to the church. No, you will not drive me out of my own bed even if it means getting myself killed because of it.

But that’s not the important news (though, one might suggest that staying alive in such circumstances is important.) I now have a purpose.

Was sitting down eating lunch with Landlord. We eat our meals together now as he wasn’t keen on me making his food and then fucking off while he ate alone. He’s now doubled his Waitrose order and I’ve halved mine, given we’re together most meals. And we’ve just done the one order. Because it makes sense.

So we were sitting there eating and Landlord mentions how shit’s going to get harder for him. And how it’s been handy having me helping out. He wanted to formerly ask me to be of assistance. Lunch. Dinner. He would pay.

I said that was ridiculous. I didn’t need his money and he wasn’t exactly charging me the right amount of rent.

We argued a little at this point, admittedly.

Landlord needs help with his work as well, given the tremors in his hands. Am happy to help, because it gives me a purpose. An actual reason for getting up every day apart from this blog and the occasion fucking with Policeman.

We have agreed that I will no longer pay rent. Was all I can agree to. Is no way I will accept money from Landlord. Plus, the payment really comes in the work itself. Am excited for it.

Hopefully will not mean posting less here. Still need my venting place. My self therapy. Still need to try and make sense of what the fuck happened to me, and what the fuck is happening now.

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