KOOL-AID: am I like her?

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There’s this chick. Ex-member of cult. Am interested in shit like that. Am interested in other people who have also been caught up in cults. Guess it makes me feel better. Am not alone. Am not the only fool. Am not the only dickhead out there.

But not this woman. This woman makes me feel like all I’m doing here is wrong and selfish.

See this chick, and I have to give her credit, she’s clever. Very good with social media. As in, prolific. Facebook, Instagram. All these things, of course, are practically a mystery to me. Was at the church during the rise of social media, so has been interesting seeing it all since getting out.

Have been on a lot of social media sites lately, because a lot of the cult stories can be found there.

Anyway, this one woman — she’s on a crusade of some kind. The poster child for the ex-cult member. She’s a pretty girl, too. Am not saying this is why she has such a following. I’m not. Everything this girl does, she documents. Going to the beach for the first time since leaving the church — a picture of her in a bikini looking fabulous. First time going ice skating — picture. Fabulous. Lighting candle at church — wearing a shawl and all — picture. Fabulous.

She has a website, too. Fancy one. Much nicer then my blog. Am not jealous. No. Not jealous. She sells merchandise. Hashtag I got out. Hashtag I’m free. And she’s doing speaking tours! By the looks of things, she’s making a lot of money from  being an ex-cult member. Probably not a lot of money. But enough.

On one side am thinking, who can blame her? Probably would have left with nothing. Deserves to make herself a living.

But on the other hand, it makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Is it okay to make money off of this? To gain popularity from this? It just, to me, seems a little disingenuous.

So it makes me wonder what the hell I’m doing. Am I the same? Because I am doing this for selfish reasons. Is my escape. Is my therapy. Doesn’t make me any better, though. Makes me feel a little fucked up in the head, if am honest.

Just for the record, though, you’re not going to see my face. And you are certainly not going to see me in a bikini. Cripes, no. Nobody deserves that.

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