KOOL-AID: you’ve got mail

Another instalment of Almost Drank the Kool-Aid…

Postman Pat happy today. No packages. One single envelope. Watched him pass the window from position on the couch. The swinging of the metal mail slot a sinister sound.

Probably because mail was sinister.

A5 envelope with Gruff’s untidy scrawl on front. Name was not on envelope. Seems Gruff is as paranoid as me. Instead said, ‘Occupant of ______… with address.

Opened envelope to find another inside. And a message from Gruff.

Dear _____

As you would have noticed, this letter is from those ______ fuckers. Have felt envelope. Does not appear to contain tracking device. Still. Fuckers.

Don’t open it if you are not up to it. Can’t imagine why they are writing to you. Or why they assume we are in contact. Am suspicious. Whatever it contains, we need to form a strategy. Obviously, can’t let them know we are in contact. Although, maybe we can? Could say, yeah, fuckers, I know where she is. What are they gonna do, water-board me? Like to see them try. They’re all short little fuckers, your lot. Would fucking have them beat in seconds. Yeah, let them try.

Text me you’ve opened the envelope. Dying to know what the fuck it’s about.

love, _______.

Honestly, is the most Gruff has ever said to me. Even in writing. And given know Gruff in a professional capacity, is saying something.

Think he is actually hoping to be captured by church.

Could not open envelope without intake of nicotine. So sat self on back step to read.

Should have expected it. Was an invoice. Pages and pages long. Detailing every single little expense have caused church. The food I ate (quite exorbitant for the slop on offer), study fees, toiletry fees, bedding fees (!!), board, medical fees (though never received any medical attention and was not allowed to see dentist even though suspected a filling — still hurts to chew) church membership fees (which no one should have to pay anyhow and you would think in those in the clergy would not need to pay it) stationery costs, computer costs (laughable; we were never allowed online) repayment of all wages paid (smallest sum on the invoice) and licensing fees (whatever the fuck that is).

Should be outraged. But not. Was expected.

Is the threat used against “clergy” members to keep them in tow. Every now and then when they fear you might be ready to run they’ll slip your “current costs” under your door so you are aware of how much money you will need to pay back.

Would love to tell them to fuck off. Trouble is, know how sneaky they are. A lot of people make fun of the contract you sign when you join, but is actual legal document. In America, at least. When you sign that contract you are signing to say you will be responsible for any costs of keeping you if you leave without executing the proper leave procedures.

The “proper leave procedures” include countless sessions (at your cost) which could take years. Years. If you can be arsed going through with it all, you then have to sign a confidentiality agreement stating you will never speak ill of the church (again; legally binding).

All bases are covered.

I didn’t leave on a whim, though. I made my plans. Cleverly. Obviously, am breaking rules by writing this blog.

But I do have a plan. Guess is time to put it into action.

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