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I know you are all wondering how. How on earth anyone could possibly get sucked into a cult?
Well, obviously (and everyone who has been in a cult would say the same) I didn’t think it a cult.
I didn’t even think it a church. Odd, yes, given it is known as a church.
It’s all a little fucked up, really. When you enter it, when you join, they say, ah, no, is not a church. You don’t have to give up your religion. Is a way of thinking, they say.
And then, in hushed tones, you’re told the whole “church” thing is only there for tax reasons. Which, of course, they deny publicly.
But you go into it thinking this is just a way of being. This isn’t a religion.
For me, it was more than that. Was desperate for life to change. Addiction was controlling me. The only way I knew how to live with the pain of my life was to dull it with drugs.
Not alcohol. Never alcohol. Didn’t enjoy drinking. Wish now, of course, that I did. Because maybe would not have spiralled so quickly and therefore not be desperate for help.
It was the rehab centre that got me in. Got to LA, they said. This place will change your life. You will not only be free from drugs the moment you enter, but you’ll be given the tools to lead were a more successful life.
Which is all I wanted. We’d snow-balled into this life together. Me and him. The only way we could stay together, I thought, would be if we got clear.
What I thought would save our relationship ended up breaking us apart.
But that’s what gets you into the cult. The hope for something better. In the end they take your hope. They suck it dry from you.
Not all. Hope may have got me into the cult, but is also what got me out.
Kool-Aid talks about her first meeting with Landlord… all those years ago.