KOOL-AID: lack of communication

And now, the next instalment of Kool-Aid! To see the story from the beginning, hit the ‘Koolaid’ menu above.

Verbal communication has never been my strong point. Reminded of this fact constantly the last ten years. Never good for your confidence. But they do like to point out your faults. So you have something to work on.

When I say it was not my strong point, what I mean is, that the idea of having a conversation with anyone would fill me with dread. Could never work out a happy medium. Either talked too much or not enough. Would worry about, constantly, what I was saying while I was saying it so words would get jumbled because mind not on actual task of talking.

Then, afterwards, have high levels of anxiety worrying about what I said. Was I nice? Did I say the right thing? Worried, always worried, about people’s opinion of me. Was nightmare.

Is probably why I took drugs.

When left the church (cult), knew would have to do a lot of talking. Explaining self. Explaining situation. Could not bare any of it. What was point of freedom when would be restricted by the perils of conversation?

No thank you.

And so, I don’t talk. Communication with Mr Gruff is solely over text. Works for me as always better with the written word. Don’t have to worry about anyone else because don’t see anyone else. Don’t have to in this day and age. Everything I need can be delivered. Except for cigarettes. Is ridiculous you can’t buy them online.

Do not miss talking, but still do have the need to communicate in some way. Guess is why am writing this blog. Is my therapy. Goodness knows I need it.




45 Notes Cover 4 small



 Love what you’re reading? For more of Giorge’s writing, download her novella 45 Notes on London by hitting this link.

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