So I had a plan. I was going to pick a poem from those you have graciously sent to me and read it on a video. I wanted to celebrate my fellow poets. I wanted to give them a voice.
But my mental health got in the way.
The wax and wane of mental health is unpredictable. Sometimes you can read the signs. You can feel it coming on. Feel the clouds circling. And I guess I did. But I chose to ignore because I did not, in any way, want to slip down that slide again.
Alas; it took hold. The heat didn’t help. An oxymoron, right? We all associate depression with the winter months. Cold, alone, secluded in our homes. But drastic heat can have the same effect. My first panic attack came during a heat wave when our air conditioning broke.
I broke, too.
Our little family have been living in one room of our home, a bought portable air-conditioner constantly whirring, trying to cool the drastic heat.
Cooling? Not really. It simply reduced the temperature to a barely-comfortable level.
The heat, together with whatever demons were poisoning my brain resulted in chronic and frequent panic attacks. Was I at all in a position to film a video? No. Will I ever be? Not in the distant future.
And while double doses of anti-depressants are alleviating my condition, I am still not quite there yet. However, I still want to be that voice for all the poets who wanted their poems heard.
Starting tomorrow I will choose one from a selection of those poems sent to me. If you are not included, I apologise. I have simply chosen those which somehow spoke to me.
I will also be continuing the re-postings of Koolaid. I am sorry to have kept you waiting on that, too.
Seriously, though, I am fine. It’s just a blip, and these ‘blips’ must be overcome.
Hope you are all well and will see you soon back here on giorgethomas.com