The Marriage Ultimatum

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Last night I was reading the Daily Mail. There’s always a roll of the eyes from Mr Thomas when he sees me on Mail Online. Apparently, the Daily Mail is not a ‘proper paper.’ But I love it. It’s my entertainment. Like watching soaps.

Last night it was a story about how Prince Harry’s ex-girlfriend, Cressida Bonas has given him ‘an ultimatum.’ Yes, yes, that ultimatum. According to the Daily Mail, Cressida has told Prince Harry that he has until the end of August to decide whether he wants to settle down and marry.

Now, this could all be utter tosh. I get that. But the story made me think. Because giving men an ultimatum to marry is quite common. Horrible, but common.

I don’t understand it. I mean, why would you want to ‘force’ a man to marry you? It’d be like Tom Riddle’s mum. If you’re asking who Tom Riddle is, I’m a little disappointed in you. Harry Potter. Tom Riddle is the one that became Lord Voldemort. The evil one.

His mum had fancied a muggle (non-magical person). She wasn’t a looker, Merope Gaunt. So to obtain Tom Riddle Senior’s affection, she gave him a love potion. She continued giving him regular doses and they married, having a baby. But then Merope stopped giving her husband the love potions. He left immediately.

Merope Gaunt wanted to be loved unconditionally, so she stopped giving her husband the love potions. If you ask me, giving a man an ultimatum to marry you is just as deceiving as a love potion (if they really did exist). Thing is, most women don’t see it that way at all. Marriage, to many women, is an expectation. An expectation which should always be fulfilled.

And don’t men know it.

I’ve actually heard a man say, after moving in with his girlfriend, ‘I suppose we should get engaged now.’ There’s a pressure for men to propose. That’s what you do when you’ve been together for a certain period of time.

The pressure is either from society, or the partner. Some men willingly give in to this pressure, even if it’s not something they’re quite ready for. Other men don’t. That’s when they’re given the ultimatum.

I know of men who have been given the ultimatum. They’ve put up the small fight of ‘fine, let’s break up, then!’ calling the bluff. But a few weeks later they’re back together, and a few months after that, there’s a picture of an engagement ring doing the rounds on Facebook.

Does it still feel special when you’re told your boyfriend he has to ‘put a ring on it’ or else?

Those men who are not quite ready for marriage use the engagement as a kind of buffer between the commitment his partner wants and the actual marriage itself. Dazzle the girl with a diamond which will hopefully blind her for a number of months while the reluctant man is given breathing space.

Then the talk of ‘setting the date’ ensues.

The women get caught up in the wedding planning; picking the dresses, choosing the menus, picking the venues. Do they ever turn to their partner to see if this is what he really wants?

Some would be concerned. Others wouldn’t care. Because marriage is the ultimate goal.

I can’t imagine ever wanting to force someone’s hand. What is so wrong with letting a relationship take its natural course?

We won’t ever know if Prince Harry really has been given an ultimatum to marry. I pity him if this is true. Because no man should be forced to make a decision on love under such unromantic circumstances.

14 thoughts on “The Marriage Ultimatum

  1. OMG I loved this. It can turn out into a game though. yes, no, maybe, no, later, maybe, no.
    But there is to little talk about it given men do not like talking it does come down to an ultimatum.
    Some just do not care and see marriage as an institution.
    If you like you should put a ring on it? Is that all a woman cares about is than my question? Show of a piece of rock to claim being taken? oh yes the fun of the Daily Mail.
    Let us hope he lets her off easy. No need for pushy women:D

    wonderful article Missy Thomas, You made me smile today. Loved it.

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    1. It makes the feminist side of me mad. There was a time when that was our only option in life: to marry. Women with ambition tried to ‘marry well.’ Yet they still did not force the issue.

      I think of these women and I wonder if they’ll ever be able to find their own happiness, given they are so reliant on marriage to be happy.

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  2. It does make one wonder what women are really wanting when they do something so ridiculous. Marriage is a difficult enough proposition when both parties enter freely, without coercion Yeah, I want to marry a guy who resents me for giving him an ultimatum. Such a great way to start a relationship that can’t survive without trust, respect, and strong communication. Not THAT kind of strong. Geez!

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  3. I never experienced this, fortunately. Had I experienced this, it would have had me running for the door. No way will I marry a woman who is trying to manipulate me. Letting things take the natural course like a river, is the only way to go. I have always believed that you ‘have to be OK living by yourself’ first.

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  4. You can’t force a guy to marry you, an ultimatum is not the right way to start a marriage. Personally, if I were to date someone I want us both to have marriage in the back of our minds. So we know where we are heading, we take our time, and there’s no force.

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    1. Exactly. I’m not saying there can’t be that conversation. In a relationship you have to be on the same page, and you have to be able to have that conversation without fear of reprisals. I guess when that happens you know you’re with the right partner.

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  5. Scarily, there is reality series currently airing on UK television, called “I want to Marry Harry’, involving gullible females contesting competing for the attention of a Prince Harry-lookalike. Apparently, they don’t know he’s a lookalike and believe he’s the real deal….don’t tell Cressida 😉

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  6. Hi nice to meet you and thank you for the like also I thought Prince Harry got married and had a baby ? or was that his brother? I also heard of Tom of Harry Potter but never heard much of his folks .Have a nice day..

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